Apple fanboy emo hipster writes a poem and I collaborate.

After wading through multiple copy pasted press releases on Couch Avenue’s blog, I found this really touching poem that probably took a whole 3 minutes to write. It’s quite beautiful, but at the same time I could easily reply to the things she’s saying… and guess what? I’m going to. This is going to be a collaborative poem between myself and Couch Avenue.

Where were you when I needed someone to…? Right here.
By Couch Avenue and Kuwait Blogs Suck!

Where were you when I needed someone to talk to? Where were you?

I’m right here yo. Right in front of you.

Where were you when I needed someone to lean on? Where were you?

Oh that… Yeah well I was taking a poop. That machboos my mom cooked last night ran through me like a runaway freight train.

Where were you when I needed someone to wipe my tears? Where were you?

You say that every time you’re chopping onions deary. Grab a tissue next time or something.

Where were you when I needed someone to laugh along with me? Where were you?

The joke you made was “wouldn’t it be funny if your Dad contracted AIDS?” Why would I laugh along to that?

Where were you when I needed someone to hug out my pain? Where were you?

Hey come on now. I did get my wild cat mittens for you to cuddle with. And sure, she did end up clawing your face, but she’s just a cat and she’s just so adorable!

Where were you when I needed someone to just be there? Where were you?

It’s easy saying that right after you got that retina display Macbook Pro and sat on it for 4 days straight. Who would’ve thought buying all the new Apple products and posting about it every single time on your blog would make you unsociable and emo.

Seriously, where were you? Sigh…

Alright that’s enough. My brain cells are screaming in terror.

Try to up the class a bit “Jacqui.”



  1. SuperMario

    hmm, not funny. when you’re comments are based on facts that’s when its funny. but your sense of humor needs some practice lol.

    its constructive comment since I want you to hit up on more blogs based on facts like Mark and the camera. or zdistrict and reviews.

  2. BoDanah

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOL having my mombs machboos and pooping in the same paragraph :p

    0 credibility for the poem, where were you? what the cheesie hucklberries is this? I hope it wasnt a man who wrote this poem unless he was a man with no ding dongs wicky wong!

  3. BoDanah

    ok, i clicked on the link and I was taken to a page where the pictures portray a miserable lonely girl who worships apple? iphone on the couch? ipad on the floor? steve jobs portrait on the wall? what the fuckn hell? and I just realized that the poem she wrorte was about her macbook pro?

    visiting that blog is not recommended unless you want a لحسة دماغ or even اشمئزاز or even quick jolts of قشعريره

  4. Jacqui

    Wow, seems that some is insanely jealous aren’t they! The poem had nothing to do with Apple in case you were wondering but I’m flattered you saw the need to actually collaborate on this one 🙂

    I wonder what makes you the “GOD” of the perfect “Kuwaiti Blog”! But you know what they say, everyone writes about what they’re lacking the most in life 😀 (yes I realize that comment will bite me in the bum but I’m willing to take the risk).

    Thanks for being a fan of the blog 🙂 Really I never knew someone was this interested in reading the shit I write about! Toodles!

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